Give Me a Sign!

Lord God, You slay my foolish heart with love and tender mercy.

When I am overwhelmed in single parenting a third son alone,

You gift me with tickets to see a favorite band

When I am exhausted as one bearing the load of two,

You bring a 4 day respite road trip with my sister in Christ

When I am full of myself, steeped in regret of yesterdays’ lost

You whisper “make a sign. shhh, trust Me”

When I can’t see the “Why’s”  You lead and guide

When I don’t want to make a sign, You gently remind..

“Make a sign”  You even tell me exactly what it should say.

A rolled up poster board I didn’t want to buy

Sharpies I threw in at the last second of packing.

“No time for Your sign Lord, I’ve got to keep moving..”

Standing in line, once again you  remind “make a sign”

“Later” my belligerent reply, I don’t want to make a sign.

I don’t want the attention, I don’t want to be seen.

“Then how will you ever stand in the middle of your dreams?”

Run to the bathroom before they open the doors,

Thunder, lightening, and Oh how it pours..

Trapped in the bathroom! Your Grand Design?

“Now you have time to make Me a sign”

I defiantly comply.  My spirit sighing “why?”

Still uncertain of what ‘I’ want to say, You remind me:

“Call My Name”

Disobedient child am I

I decide, my sign will have two sides.

Yours & mine.

I scribble the words, trembling that someone might actually read.

Then you say “write, ‘I’ll sing it with you”  and I refuse.

Only to comply, because You told me too.

Lord, I am scared, I don’t want to hold this up, What if they see?

No attention focused on me..

Once again , You remind

“I long to give you the desires of your precious, beautifully broken heart”

Hold up your sign.

I am terrified, I try to pass the sign to others..

No one will carry my sign, Yet they hold my arms up.

Their loving eyes encourage ‘hold it up high!’

You placed me in the seat behind the shortest stature in the line

I pray I am too far away,

That words won’t be read.

My arms feel heavy like lead.

The enemy’s jeering in my head

“You’re a fool, you & your stupid sign,

sit down, shut up and hide behind”

Then from the stage, my sign is seen…

You call me forth “Stand in your dream”

Awakened now I’ve realized

Fear’s the lie that paralyzed

It was only thru Your strength in me

That I could even leave my seat

To climb the stairs, & see it thru

I kept my eyes fixed on You

“Delight yourself in Me” You say

“Desires of your heart will make their way”

Trembling fear now shrinks beside

Brave girl standing holding a mic.

And the other side of my sign?

‘I do believe I’m walking away with “the Victory”‘

Self willed words I scribbled

Echo exactly what You planned on bringing.

Amen

Pam Cruz

Sept. 9, 2015

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